Thursday Things

Things That Sound Better on Paper or in My Head Than They Actually Are in Real Life:

• Swiffer WetJet--instead of mopping the floor, it just kind of pushes a wet mess around and makes the floor worse.
• Giving the cat a bath--Water+cat+claws+ouch= one pissed off kitty. Who then gives you the evil eye and plots against you for the better part of three days, while surreptitiously peeing in your closet floor on your houseshoes. Your. House.Shoes.
• Smoky eye makeup--my troubles with this go back years and have recently been chronicled on FaceBook.  Even with a mostly idiot-proof smoky eye kit with pictoral instructions, the result is more Mimi from "The Drew Carey Show" than supermodel.  Don't try it at home, unless you are headed to a clown college reunion or a trendy new goth-vampire coven meeting.
• Weedeating your yard without protective eyewear--no problem, right? So wrong. I found out the hard way when I took a rock to the eyeball and scratched my cornea last summer. There really is a worse pain than labor, and taking one to the eye is it.  I cover up with three-inch-thick old lady blue blockers now.  And proud of it.
• A KISS farewell tour--I went in 1996 in Austin.  I thought it would be their last go-round in full makeup, a once-in-a-lifetime chance to experience the phenomena again.  Boy, was I wrong! Not only was the concert kind of lame (sorry KISS army) but Jen and I were about the only females in a three-mile radius that night.  Oh, and that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Make that 54230.2 times in a lifetime.

What are some of your sounded-better-in-my-head nominations? I'd really like to know.